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A mother has come through so many storms to reach this point, and still, days away from the birth of her first child, she is only at the beginning. Photo by Colin A. Danville

A mother has come through so many storms to reach this point, and still, days away from the birth of her first child, she is only at the beginning. Photo by Colin A. Danville

I am here to help you have your baby
© 2016 by Binahkaye Joy

I am not a doctor or a midwife. I do not perform IVF and I cannot count your viable eggs. I am not available to be your surrogate and I cannot remove your fibroids. I don’t know precisely how your choice of birth control may affect your fertility. I won’t be able to inseminate you with the sperm you choose. I cannot prescribe herbs or recommend supplements to improve your chances. I can’t prepare you to be a foster parent or walk you through the adoption process. I won’t at any point chant a specific mantra, or light an ancient candle, or snap my fingers and magically make you a mother. At the end of every day, and for as long as you are wanting this, you will still have to do that part yourself.

But I can help you get there. I am a fertility juju priestess. My calling as a healer and spiritual worker is in assisting you in having honest, transparent, and radically vulnerable conversations about your fertility practice and the paths that feel most authentic to your mothering work. Far too often the critical work of exploring the complex truths underlying our fertility processes is challenging to face on our own. By the time most of us are considering options in motherhood, we have been inundated with false information about the capacity of our wombs to bring forth life and pumped full of fear about what the journey will entail.

First of all, no one can tell you what your mothering journey will entail. You will learn as you grow, as did every other mother before you. This is how it is. You have to walk your path to find your way. There is inherent risk and ample heartbreak in all of this. Sometimes, many times, you will stumble, and stumble badly. And no one, not anyone who really knows the courage it takes to step out and try to become a mother, will shame you for what you might lose along the way.

As a fertility juju priestess, I am here to protect, celebrate, and encourage conception, the most sacred of all unions in humanity. Conception is transcendence in its purest form, the merger of life force and spirit force. The access you have had to your own life and your own consciousness is because someone, some community, supported the possibility of your existence and made a way for your conception to happen. As human beings, we have a responsibility to honor and hold sacred every mother and future mother who will be embodying the work of conception and ensuring that life has an opportunity to continue. The reason you are called to be a mother is because you accept that you are part of this continuum. You know, in the deepest and darkest places of your soul, that it is time for you to contribute to this holy work. It is time for you to be a mother.

Conception is Love. It is a persistent Love, a raw and symbiotic form of physical and spiritual awareness that has the power to transform even the most violent, evil, and broken moments into something exponentially beautiful, majestic, and whole. For proof of this, I look at the miracle of my own life as a descendant of chattel slavery systems in the Americas. My bloodline is full of coerced conceptions, of mothers who were beaten and raped, of mothers who quite possibly against their own sanity and intuitive directives for healing then allowed those babies to come through their bodies anyway, only to have them sold away never to be seen again. And then, when those stolen children would end up somewhere far away from their birth mothers—birth mothers who loved their babies fiercely in spite of their complicated origins— some other enslaved mother would take them in and practice radically loving those children as her own, daring to still give them hope for a better life.

I come from such a love. And my entire mothering process as a spiritual devotion to the creator of life is anchored in this eternal and revolutionary love.

Conception initiates love. Yet, we have all been told it’s the other way around. We’ve been taught that making love brings about conception, and that it’s appropriate to find someone to love before you conceive a child. Maybe that is your choice, maybe that will even be your story, but it is not a mandate of your fertility. Conception happens because it has to happen. Your fertility exists in abundance beyond the parameters of partnerships and relationships, beyond the expertise of a doctor’s medical opinion, and beyond your numerical age as it relates to rotations around the sun. There are women defying all sorts of odds and having happy, healthy babies all over the world. There are mothers activating their mothering paths outside of the realities of the physical wombs that they may or may not have in their bodies. Mothers everywhere are making a way for their work. All of them will tell you a different story, but all of them will tell you it is hard work, whichever way you choose to go.

I am here to make conception and the possibility of your future children a more tangible phenomenon in your day to day life. I am here to support you in decensoring your thoughts, words, and actions as they relate to pregnancy, birth, babies, and motherhood. I am here to remind you that it is healthy to have these conversations early in life. That you do not have to wait until someone else tells you it’s time to be a mother. But in fact, thinking and working through your heart’s desires and passions with loving, compassionate people will only aid you in deepening your intuition on how to fully engage your mothering process.

I am here to help your get out of the way of the love that you have been called to embody in your womb and in your life. Anything that impedes conception is working in opposition to the natural inclination of that momentum of love, and of life— the infinite creative spirit— to love itself, and want to reproduce more of itself and its source of love. For these reasons, I do not believe in contraception. But I am also not blind to the ills of this world, and I know that in this world, with its abundant imperfections and hostile, anti-mothering conditions, it is sometimes necessary for your survival. Whenever possible, I do think women who are partnering with men, and/or who are using birth control for hormonal imbalances, heavy periods or other issues with your uterus, should choose the least invasive methods of contraception, and preferably nothing that physically, chemically, or biologically alters your relationship to your ovulation cycles. Being receptive to your ovulation, and your own body’s rhythm of opportunity is an essential tool in cultivating a connection to your future children.

I am here to disrupt the dominant narratives that are suppressing your radiant possibilities at conception, and ultimately the realization of your wildest mothering dreams. As I grow deeper in my own practice I will be researching the spiritual, physical, emotional, mental, and communal processes of conception, pregnancy, birth, the womb, and reproductive systems. I will always share my findings with you. I will write books, host workshops, convene panels, create documentaries, produce conferences, and capture this evolution in many ways. It is impossible for me to not give back after all I have struggled through on my own. I did not come this far into my mothering work to leave my sisters behind in the scary and lonely spaces of your fear, doubt, and anxiety. Your fertility is here to save you, not hinder you. Your fertility is here to sustain you, not deplete you. Your fertility will open doors, enhance creativity, inspire positive change.

I am here to illuminate how your fertility can liberate your heart, your body, your family, your life, even your bank account. Yes, your bank account! Fertility will stimulate prosperity if you let it work its juju on you! You don’t have to live in fear of your mothering dreams. Your motherself does not have to wait in line for your promotion, your car, your house, your trip around the world. The power of love, of conception, of birth, of life, will bring you into wonders unknown. Are you ready to trust this power, your power?

Come on, Mama! Let us finally acknowledge the fullness of your mothering work, and your right to engage in that work with love, support, and enthusiasm. You are a mother. And you and your journey are essential to the evolution of our human family.

Companion Essay: A Black Mother in America Wears All White: Vibrational Recovery for Our Ovaries and the Preservation of Life for Our Future Children

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Binahkaye Joy is a mother of three and a fertility juju priestess. She supports mothers and women in activating their wildest mothering dreams. Binahkaye lives in Washington, DC with her family. She is available for in-person and virtual workshops, speaking engagements, and private sessions. For bookings, writing and performance commissions, and programming information send inquiries to thefamily.dances@gmail.com.

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